Because wolves don’t suddenly go vegetarian

Has anybody else from my generation noticed how the classic story “The Three Little Pigs” has been changed to become more “accessible” and “kid friendly”? Everybody remembers the basic story structure. There are three brother pigs who go off to build houses. Two of the pigs are lazy and build their houses out of straw and sticks respectively. But the third little pig is an industrious forward thinker. He knows there are wolves out there who would try to eat him, so he builds a strong house out of bricks. Well lo and behold, along comes the Big Bad Wolf who proceeds to “huff and puff and blow the house down” on the first two pigs. But the third little pig’s brick house is too strong and the wolf is foiled. Exactly how the wolf is foiled has evolved over the years.

First of all, in older versions of the story, the Wolf actually eats the first two pigs. I don’t think there is a version around anymore where this grisly turn of events still takes place. Generally speaking, straw-pig and stick-pig run to the house of their better-prepared brother. This specific rewriting doesn’t bother me all that much. I know the original intent of that particular plot line was to reinforce a Christian work ethic in kids by implying: “Don’t be idle and lazy or you’ll DIE!” But it’s hard to enjoy good lighthearted literature if two such lovable characters experience such a gruesome death. So I’m cool with that kind of creative license taking.

What bothers me is how history has tried to rewrite the ultimate fate of the Big Bad Wolf. Again, in the versions I always read, the Wolf died at the end of the story. After failing to blow down the brick house, he comes down the chimney where the little pig (or pigs depending on the version) have put a kettle of boiling water into the fireplace. The Wolf lands in the water and is boiled to death. Again, depending on the version, his death goes down in one of two ways. Either a) the little pig(s) cook the wolf and eat him or b) (the more palatable version) the wolf simply boils away into non-existence. Either way, the wolf gets his comeuppance and the little pigs are freed from his reign of terror.

Well, that is not how it happens today. In every modern version, the Wolf slides down the chimney, burns his bottom on the boiling water then runs into the woods, never to bother the little pigs again.

(((I guess I should acknowledge the caveat that this isn’t necessarily a new way of telling the tale. The popular Disney version of the story includes this kid-friendly non-violent ending—and that cartoon came out in 1933. But as of the early 80′s, when I was growing up, there were still plenty of printed versions of the story that included the wolf’s boiling demise.)))

I know we’re trying to save our children’s frail psyche’s by eliminating all mention of death and violence in their stories, but I must state for the record that I HATE this version of “The Three Little Pigs” with its non-violent climax. From a purely storytelling point of view, there is nothing satisfying about the Wolf escaping with just wounded pride and a sore bottom. I mean he just spent the better part of the story doing everything he could do to kill and devour three helpless oinkers whose worst sin was being a little lazy. Why shouldn’t the Big Bad Wolf die at the end? Do the rewriters really expect us to believe that this Wolf is just going to sit around moping in the woods and never bother the pigs again? Please! As soon as his butt heals, he’ll be back, and with a vengeance. Knowing he can’t penetrate the house, he’ll just wait patiently outside, knowing that these pigs are going to have to come out eventually. No, in order to have full closure on this story, the wolf has to die… or at least be subdued in some way. Maybe the pigs could tie him up and send him to Abu Dhabi or something. (and pat yourself on the back if you caught the Garfield reference).

I know I’m overreacting, and I know it’s just a kid’s story, but come on now, let’s give that Wolf what he’s got coming!