Would you like retards with that?

There are many reasons why I never ever ever eat at McDonald’s, not the least of which being I start farting about halfway through my burger and then don’t stop for about three and a half days. But also, I just find it utterly depressing that I have to deal with an entire team of people who are quite literally as stupid as a person can get without qualifying for a legal “disorder.”

I ordered a Chicken McNugget Happy Meal for my daughter tonight. Now there are two choices when one orders a McNugget Happy Meal: a Four-McNugget meal or a Six-McNugget meal. So when I stepped up to the register and placed my order with Mister Headgear, I said, “Yes I’d like a Four-McNugget Happy Meal, please.” You can imagine my surprise when I looked at my receipt ten seconds later and realized my credit card had just been charged fourteen dollars for a Happy Meal that should have cost about $4.50.

“Well you said you wanted four Happy Meals,” responds Mister Headgear.

Okay, I’m sorry, Mister Headgear. I know you’re stupid. But I also know that the corporation employing you understands that you’re stupid and has broken down everything you must know into about thirty simple phrases: Big Mac, Fries, Number Six, Super Size… I simply can’t imagine that I am the first person ever to come in here and verbalize this particular order. I know that you know you have a four-McNugget meal, so… why, Mister Headgear-wearing McDonald’s employee, wouldn’t you have at least clarified what you thought you heard me say before charging me for four freakin’ Happy Meals? Especially when you can clearly see I am standing her with ONE STINKIN’ KID!

Now please go ask your slightly smarter manager to give me a refund while I continue farting in your general direction.